TIMING IS EVERYTHING

If I have learned one thing in life: timing is everything.

The first time I met "Mrs Fat Jack", she walked into a restaurant I was working at in college. While I was working, she was with a big group of people that were drinking their way through Oklahoma City. Now, if she had come in without her friend named "liquid courage" she might not have flagged me down to tell me how hot I was. She would have left and we wouldn't be together 15 years later. Her drunk, me looking good...timing.

Last week, my son's 8 year old flag football team had their 8th game of the season. The team was 8-0 and feeling great about themselves. Their coach had to go out of town on business and asked if I would run the team for this game. I am sure he thought "the team is undefeated, he is the Fat Jack so he must know a lot about football. What is the worst thing that can happen?" I agreed, also thinking the same thing. Well, as luck would have it, my 2 best players didn't get the memo that I was going to need them. They didn't show. I held the play book upside down more than once showing our team the plays and we forgot how to pull flags. By the end of the game I had 8 little boys looking at me crying and begging me not to put them back in the game. We are now 8-1. If I had my best players OR our coach would have been in town, it wouldn't be my fault we aren't going to make 8 year old flag football history! Timing.

Timing has also been a big story with my service this season. If you were one of those guys that wanted to get signed up before the season in order to get all the selections,which is normally the best thing to do, you were rewarded with a below average September. Those that waited until October 1 were given a 27-15 record. We won every Monday night ,went 7-2 in weekday games, turned a profit in both NCAA and NFL games and are ready for a huge November. Luckily, I gave all of the Sept clients 10 free days of service in October and we are all into profit now.

Have a great week and a Happy Halloween.

THE WEEK OF HALLOWEEN CELEBRATION FEELING LIKE HANUKKAH

Well, Halloween is Wednesday but now that I have kids Halloween and all holidays, for that matter, feel more like Hanukkah. I know Christmas is a week long celebration. I have gotten used to that. In fact, if you have divorced parents, Christmas can feel more like summer vacation than Jesus birthday. We might should add vacation bible school in the middle of Christmas season to remind the kids why we are out of school in the first place.

Birthdays are a week long as well. With the party (not on a school night),a night with the grandparents and the actual day the child was born. The week is a nice celebration for the child. I have always felt on birthdays we should shower the mother with presents. After all she DID all the work.

That brings me to Halloween. Is this really a holiday we need to give the entire week to? I am not even sure it is a holiday that is good. Someone told me it was a holiday to celebrate demons and the devil. I don't like either of them. That is probably not the truth because if was a celebration of those things, the houses would give out dead birds or logs of fire instead of candy. Candy is the opposite of the devil. Well, I am not sure it is worth throwing a big fit about and even if I did I am afraid my wife and kids would just celebrate it without me. I guess I will just wait for the kids to bring the candy home.

We went 26-15 in October and if you played my opinions you added another 7 wins. For those of you that don't bet on games, that is a good month. Think of it this way, if you bet a $100.00 on each of my picks in October, you could pay for A LOT of Halloween candy!

Have a great week and get signed up for a big November.

CHAT ROOM LOSER POST-ERS

Well, I won again on Monday night and things are going good. I thought it would be tough to piss me off but little did I know a storm was brewing. I went to listen to this weeks show in the pod cast section of the website and somehow we had left the door from the loser convention open and they were allowed to come on MY website and talk about me.

I have a real problem with nameless, faceless losers that can say anything they want about people in these chat rooms. What we don't know is that they are on the Kinkos computer on their way back to the Jesus House, yet somehow we give them validity to what they are saying. One of the things I had to get used to when starting this business were that people constantly question my record and integrity. I understand the record deal. I have talked about the fact that the only people that will believe my record are the ones that are members of my service. There are over 1000 current clients. The problem is that they have a life and aren't going to spend a lot of time defending me to idiots, so the majority of comments when my name comes up are going to be negative. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my clients to waste their time trying to discredit the thousands of post-ers that will only say bad things. It is a little like trying to fight a swarm of bees with a fly swatter.

I do think it is funny that ALL of the bad posts are from guys that "signed up for a weekend or the week" or better yet "have a friend or brother that was with his service". Why do you think that is? Could it be that the losers aren't members of the service or got on during a bad stretch? After all, I think I have done a good job at pointing out the fact that we don't win everyday or even every week. I DO turn a profit most every year.

The fact is most of these post-ers are guys that live in my mobile home park, sell bras door to door and dream of what might have been if they had only got the chance in high school. Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite's brother.

The fact is, I am winning again this season, I have 250 more clients than I had this time last season and have grown an average of 69% each of the last 5 seasons. I am a regular guest on 16 different sports shows (some I pay for, however most are free) around the country and run my show in 21 different cities. I have clients from 41 states and 18 from Canada. I am winning at betting on sports and more gamblers from around the country are finding that out each day. I am going to be around for a LONG time and their isn't a damn thing the inbred,angry crack head post-ers can do about it.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and I promise the next entry will be much happier.

If you are betting on the games I am 23-11 in October so get signed up OR tell the girl at Kinkos I said Hi.

DISCRIMATION FAT STYLE

We had another winning week. Our October record is now an impressive 22-11. We turned a profit both Sat and Sunday and I am feeling good about things. A cold front rolled through my area last night. Some people love it when the seasons change but for me it is the time of the year I realize how fat I am. Just as the birds are flying south for the winter I am reminded that I am so fat that the major clothing labels don't feel I am worthy of getting their good styles. During the summer I wear silk shorts and t-shirts but in the winter I have to wear jeans or pants and something with sleeves. Oh sure, they throw out some XXL and XXXL clothes but it is never the good patterns. They are the patterns that they think fat people love to wear. You know what I'm talking about, think about a fat guy you know. He isn't wearing the same clothes you are, he is either wearing solid shirts that accent his belly or shirts that John Candy wore in Summer Vacation that look like a rainbow exploded on his plaid shirt. How about something in the middle? How about the same stuff they make in medium? Next time you are in the mall go over to the "regular" size clothes and then go over to the fat clothes corner. There is a big difference. I won't even get into pants. All I am saying is just because I am fat doesn't mean I don't want to look beautiful !lol. I bet if Ralph Lauren or Cutter or Buck were fat, I would have a better selection of winter clothes.

I have started thinking about basketball. I have made a lot of money over the last 3 years playing the basketball games and I am starting to get excited. If I could pick a sport to play for a living I might pick basketball. They are in good shape and I heard their planes they fly on are great. I would still have the clothes issues I have now but at least I could say, "it's the price I pay to be a ball player". Have a great week.

STONE THROWING

I was driving down the road the other day and saw a sign on a church that said "gambling is a sure way to get nothing for something." Now, at first I laughed because gambling is a lot like angels. Yes, Angels. The only people that believe in angels are the ones that have seen or been touched by them. Likewise, the only people that think that you can make money in some form of gambling are those that have experienced it first hand. Now I don't blame the church for trying to expose the people driving down the highway to the pitfalls of gambling but I am not sure their sign may do more harm than good. I mean think about it, there are 3 types of people that will read this sign: 1. the conservative "non gambler"- he agrees with the sign but would never gamble and doesn't give the sign much thought. 2. the closet gambler- he may agree with the sign but is still going to gamble because he knows the guy that made the sign doesn't know what he is talking about and 3. The gamblers- these are the guys that will try and bet each other how long it will be before someone changes the order of the words and the sign will read "gambling is a sure way to get SOMETHING for NOTHING."

I think the people that run that church might be better served to put up a sign that says " too much to drink? made your last bet? don't know where to turn? MAKE A RIGHT TURN HERE. WE CAN HELP."

The problem people have isn't with gambling or drinking or the stock market. The problem is with the excessive nature in which they do these things. For most people, gambling is a great way to have some fun and YES make some money.

Maybe the sign should just say "thou shall not put any other Gods before me."

We are 18-8 in the month of October and YES we are making money gambling. If you want to get signed up and win with us do it today. If you don't, please gamble within your means and don't drink and gamble at the same time. If you feel you may have a problem call and get help.

WINNERS,LOSERS AND OTHERS

We are heading into another weekend and things are going well. I am 16-8 against the spread in October and this weekends games look good.

LOSER

I was watching TV tonight and the guy from NBC was interviewing the Senator that was accused of trying to have sex in an airport bathroom. Now, I consider myself open minded about that stuff and I am one of those guys that feels a guy is innocent until proven guilty. BUT, this guy is simply lying! Don't get me wrong, if I was caught trying to have "something " in an airport bathroom, I would lie too. I guess my problem is, it is one thing to lie to your family about which team you play for but something entirely different to go on tv and tell people that voted you into office that it was a mistake and everything is ok. He is insulting every man that has ever gone to the bathroom in an airport. NO straight guy goes into a stall, rubs legs with the guy next to you and reaches under the stall to say HI! ...Not that there's anything wrong with it.

WINNERS

My daughters 5 year old soccer team, the pink cheetah girls, will be wrapping up their season this weekend. I always told myself that I would NEVER coach my kids sports. I am not sure why I felt so strong about it. It may be that my dad never coached me and I turned out fine. However, I will tell you that it has been the highlight of my fall. I think it has helped my business because it has given me the chance to spend a couple of hours a week with little people that couldn't care less about the spreads or football games. They only cared about fashion, cheers and having fun. It has helped me be more balanced this season. Which has helped me be better at picking winners and have more fun the first month of the season. I will miss our hour together each week.

OTHERS

Richard Simmons was on Letterman tonight. He is wearing red striped running shorts and a bedazzled red tank top. I think it is interesting that society shuns a senator for being gay but embraces a guy that definitely has been in a few airport bathrooms. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I don't think I will be having either of them over for dinner.

Sorry I didn't have a lot today but I have a few things brewing that will make for interesting blogging!!

I am launching a new website in December. I am very excited about it and consider yourself invited to the big launch party. Keep checking for the "drop date" of www.peoplethathavetriedtoscrewme.com I also bought www.peoplethathavetriedtoscrewme.net I think it is going to be huge so get ready!! Have a great week and get signed up. We are winning 2 out of every 3 games I release. Not bad for a hetarosexual 5 year old girls soccer coach!

A COUPLE OF THIN LINES

Some days remind me what a thin line it is between a good day and a bad day. If you think about it there are just 3 games difference from a 8-2 week and a 5-5 week. Last Saturday we had one of those games that really changed the feeling about the day. Oklahoma University was giving 12 points to Missouri. They missed 2 extra points and had 2 failed two point conversions. To make matters worse Missouri scored with 12 seconds left to only lose by 10!! OUCH!! The fact is he didn't even score but the replay officials had already left the stadium to get a good seat to watch the Game Day crew wrap up the days scores! That game took us from 4-2 on Sat. to 3-3. Boy there is a big difference, between 4-2 and 3-3. If we were in the 9th grade and talking in "make out" terms. It is the difference between getting to second base with the prom queen and kissing your sister on the cheek because she was voted prom queen. A thin line makes a big difference!!!

Another thin line is the seam in the butt of my silk Tommy Bahama shorts. Even though I know silk shorts are thin I continue to wear them without underwear.Well Friday, that thin line broke and for all of you out there that had to pay the price of looking at the back of my shorts on Friday. I am sorry. I knew it was windy Friday but something DID feel different. A thin line indeed.

Even with the bad luck,we are still 14-7 in October. I am going to Church today and pray wisdom for myself and patience for the people in the factory that make my Tommy Bahama shorts. My life is much better when they take their time in sewing my thin line...in my behind!!

Thats all I've got on Sunday morning. Have a good day and count your blessings.

JUST SOME THOUGHTS AND LOOKING FOR ANOTHER BIG WEEK

I was reading back through the other entries in the blog and it occurred to me that there is more talk about my life and less about betting and football. At first I thought I might need to fix that but then I started thinking about what makes me good at picking winners against the spread. The truth is there are a lot of people that could beat me in a trivia contest. If all it took to pick winners was a knowledge of sports than there would be A LOT of other guys that would win. The fact is the reason I went 10-2 last week and consistently win betting on games has less to do with the information out there and more to do with being able to separate the good info from the info that the losers see as important. So, if I came on here and talked about the turnovers and injuries and match ups, I would not be giving you any info you couldn't get by turning on any of the sports talk shows or reading the paper. I am going to use this forum for other reasons, if you want stats turn on the radio. When we get to the spring I will be playing in a lot of the WSOP poker series events and we will talk more about gambling then.

Here are a few things I am thinking about today.

1. I don't understand how a straight man can walk into an airport bathroom and "somehow" end up doing sexual things with another man. I have been in lots of airport bathrooms and NEVER had any sexual things happen. I am going to start holding it until I get to the hotel.

2. I think I may be losing my hair. I don't want to be one of those guys that do the "comb over" and I don't think it is a big enough deal to go to a hair doctor or join a hair club but I think I am going to be an UGLY bald man. My head isn't a great shape and I feel like I may look like King Kong Bundy. That's not sexy.

3. Buffalo is the worst coached team I have ever seen. It would be hard to be a fan of theirs with that coaching staff.

4. Why don't those people that are great at guitar hero spend the same amount of time learning to play the actual guitar. It seems to me that would be time better spent. You never show up at a party and someone says "play me something on that guitar hero!" or " I get weak in the knees when you are playing guitar hero!"

5. I am thinking about buying a bike and starting to ride for exercise. I wish they would make a bike seat that was in the shape of a lazy boy recliner. That would really cut down on the rash I always get when I ride.

That's all for now.have a great day!!

I am 11-3 in the month of October and this week looks great. Call and get signed up.

FANS AND THE THINGS THEY SAY

I am back from Dallas where I went to my first and only game I will attend (in person) this season. Saturdays and Sundays are spent in front of 6 TV's in my office. Going to the games would be like an options trader hanging around on the steps of the NYSE. It might be fun but you get a better picture of where the money can be made by watching lots of games. I do love to listen to the fans while at the games. For some, I am sure it is a release from their everyday lives. For others, I am sure they have Tourette Syndrome and need medication. Saturday,"catch the ball,you stupid f******,donkey s**** eating ,piece of coc**8 eating bit**!!" Could be heard echoing through the Cotton Bowl. I understand passion but I am not sure if I will ever be able to take my kids to one of the best sporting events in the country. I think I might ease them in by letting them watch Eddie Murphy Raw. Then take them on a pirate ship . Both of these things are tame compared to the Tourette's going around that stadium. And the shirts! I have a shirt that says "I am your girlfriends pimp". I am not sure where I got it and I AM sure I will never wear it but if I wanted to, OU vs. Texas would be the place. I wouldn't even stand out. I guess what I am trying to say is, if you go to a football game, please try and remember that just because your children may be in jail or on a pole, some of us our still trying to teach our kids how to behave. I guess we could leave them at home but it would be nice to take my son to one of the neatest games on the planet.

I told you we were having a great week and it is continuing! 8-2 this week, as of Sunday afternoon. If you are betting on the games, get signed up. Have a good week.

Things going well and bye week for the Pink Cheetah Girls

I'm getting ready for a big weekend. Lots of great games around the country. Friday I am going to Dallas to do a little radio before the OU vs. Texas game and the State Fair of Texas is one of my favorite stops in the fall. I have been trying to watch what I eat for the last couple of weeks because each year I seem to gain 15 lbs on this trip. Now a lot of you are saying "15 lbs?" Yes, 15 lbs! That's if I'm lucky. The problem is our routine is a feeding festival. My wife thinks that if we are going to drive more than 15 min. in the car we must have snacks. I saw her walk in the house today with cookie makings and macaroons. I haven't checked the package but I am sure they aren't fat free macaroons. Friday after my radio and handicapping is done we go eat with Jim Traber and family. That is always a big meal because Jim and I sit around as if we are members of the Sopranos and eat ourselves sick. Saturday morning is spent with the breakfast of champions, 3 corn dogs, a turkey leg and at least 3 corns before noon. I like to carb up for the big day. After all the games are done for the day and we are deep into profit, we have a celebration at a place called Fogo De Chao. This is a Brazilian all you can eat steak house. I don't know any Brazilians but if they eat like this each day they must die an obese and constipated death. Oh, well its only once a year and I can't break tradition. The week is off to a great start. I had a winner in each of the weekday games. I continue to offer opinions on the baseball games and they continue to lose! Oh well, If Pete Rose couldn't win money betting on baseball I probably can't either. The football profit will be a nice way to enter, what is typically, a very profitable weekend.

My 5 year old daughters soccer team has a bye week. This is overdue. I have told the girls to "shut down their engines and get themselves back to neutral." We are getting ready for the big playoff push! That is, if we have playoffs. I need to check that out. I am getting really trying to get the girls to be more aggressive and explain it in a way they can understand. I told them "every time they kick the soccer ball, a butterfly gets its wings." I'm not sure they believe me but I would love to see them try and prove me wrong!

We are winning on the week and looking for a big weekend. This is a great time to sign up!

Be safe if you are going anywhere this weekend and remember, the only thing on the roads after midnight are cops and drunks! Be safe.