Here is the problem.
I am currently at the airport heading to Florida with Mrs fat jack. My mother is watching the kids for a few days while I take care of some business in wpb. For the last couple of months I haven't been traveling much. Instead I have spent my time doing everything I can to have a great end to the hoops season and being a daily taxi for my kids. My role in my kids life in changing/evolving over the last few months. Jackson , my 6th grader , is playing baseball for someone other than me. He is also in the middle of offseason football practice. Yes football in April and yes , the 6th grade. Here is the deal, where I have always been a coach in the spring for his sports , this is the first time in a long time I am "just a parent". It took me a couple of weeks to get use to not coaching and just sitting in the stands and watching but I am doing a better job of that. Jack is doing great in both sports and although both coaches aren't doing things exactly like I might like them, I am trying to be as good as I can and let them do their jobs. None of this is exactly why I have been sad but it is important to seeing the big picture of what's going on day to day.
Ok, here is the problem...
As I am taxiing my kids around I think about how things use to be. I was everything. Parent , friend coach etc. Now you take away coach. I am 2 things instead of 3 and much more parent than friend so its actually 1.5 or 1/2 what I use to be! My days are spent driving from practice to school etc and I can see them growing up! I don't like this!! I have invested a lot of time , money and attention to these kids and I don't think I like that my roll has changed.I use to play golf 4 or 5 times a week now I play 4 or 5 times a year! I used to hang out with 10 to 15 other guys after work and on the weekend. Now its 2 or 3 "dads" and a few friends that have hung on to our friendship even though I am not much good to them unless little league or elementary school are in the plans. Unlike 10 years ago when I was the life of the party now look more like a guy named abdoul running the meter for the kids on my cab. Now some of you are probably saying " jack, that is life. That is what raising kids is about. ". Well , I think that is a bunch of crap! Think about it, anything else in your life that you put that much time and money in to you are going to get rewarded for. If I had put this much time and effort into working out I would have the body of a jersey shore cast member. If I had invested the same amount of money in the market as I have in my kids I could have 500k or so more than I currently do.
What worries me is most people say this is normal and it is going to get worse! They are going to keep growing up. They are going to rely less on me and more on others and eventually , as people tell it to me, I am going to be rewarded for all of this work and money with them leaving my house and going somewhere else to live! I guess I am suppose to like this but as I am leaving my kids for a few days I don't like the feeling. I can't imagine I am going to enjoy the day I say goodbye to him as he goes off to college!! Problem is , I like hanging out with my kids. I like who they are. I think they are funny. I don't think I am going to be good at "hanging my hat on the fact that we did a good job" as they leave for months at a time. I kind of hope that over the next few years my kids really start to annoy me and get more on my nerves. It might make them leaving for college or whatever when they are 18 a little easier but as for today and the sick feeling when I am have with me only leaving them for a few days, it isn't any fun! I am not sure yet but it is seeming like raising these kids might , in the end, not be as great a deal as I had once thought. Don't get me wrong, as of today it has been the most fun and most enjoyable thing I have ever done but I am affraid at some point ,the joy I have now , may come at a cost to my heart later.
We are having a really nice nba playoffs and are ready for a huge week! Also the lowest prices of the entire year are up and ready so sign up before 5-1-11 and save hundreds of dollars vs waiting until the fall!! Have a great week!!
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